english below: This time, the summary will be in English!
Retour sur la conférence animée par Lena Moser, Coach parentale également formée en architecture d’intérieur. Elle a créé Family Design : pour plus d’harmonie dans vos espaces et dans vos relations. Cette conférence est particulièrement orientée pour les familles avec enfants de 2 à 10 ans.
Plus d’informations sur Lena Moser : familydesign.ch
Prochains ateliers autour de la parentalité positive : le 12 mars et le 7 mai.
How can we review the morning schedule, the evening ritual, tidying up? How to make decisions? How to involve the children and make them take responsibilities?
Space and relationships are linked, and they are the core of what makes your family a team.
Organisation: think about organisation like an organism in a natural environment: a tree, its roots, the leaves, the air…. In an organism, everyone has a function and the interdependency is high.
In a family, we consider everyones’ needs: physical (hunger, rythms, sleep), emotional and intellectual. The family is an organism.
Key points to consider that can hinder the fluidity of your family team:
Transitions: morning routine,coming back from school, evening routine
Preparing: meals, clothes, school bags.
Cleaning up: why do we clean up? How do we tidy up and where? Is it sufficiently clear for the children? When is a good time for tidying up?
Planning: meals and grocery shopping
It is important to remember that everyone has its own conception of cleaning and organization. What is important for you might not be for your partner. Communication is key!
Children are naturally keen on having a tidied-up space and are longing for a caring relationship with their parent. When they are not participating in the general organisation (tidy up, going to school, evening routine etc), it’s probably because their emotional reservoir, or love bank, is not met. We will discuss this point at last, but here are a few things can help bring fluidity in your day:
– knowing where things are tidied up. Give access to frequently used things: his scarf should be very easy to access, for example.
– Reduce the amount of things you have: sorting out, (most efficient probably without children)
– “transition basket”: have a specific basket in the living room for each person. Place in there all their personal things (a lego here, a marble there). Everyone can then clean up their basket during tidy up time.
– Define what happens when for transition moments.
– Visually displaying the different routines helps! Adding colors and movement too (the child can follow the routine and check the boxes she already did, for example)
– Repeating instructions in a caring way. Children are naturally willing to help and be part of a team.
2. Give children the tools
– Be a model of what we want them to achieve.
– Take the time to show them how to do something specific
– Take the time to actually do it with them
– Repeat, repeat, repeat… up to 1000 times, in a caring way. Children need repetition. Remember that until 5 yo, children do not have the maturity to fully understand all the things we expect from them. Repeating is thus key.
– Add a fun moment: a danse, a song, to cheer up and reward the actions done
3. Create your team
Take decisions together: when listening to everyone’s needs, children develop their capacity to listen, they feel valued and they take responsibility. This is a special family time (may be light up a candle or have a nice song for that) where everyone shares their needs. Write down, or let them write/draw their – and your!! – needs. Children feel valued and your family is having a wonderful, shared moment. Children are very creative and have ideas that can be very surprising.
4. Tidy up
Children like tidying up: they place toys in a certain way, they actually spend time to organize a lot whole day! Can we bring sense and value to tidying up? Is there a specific moment for cleaning up?
5. Adaptation reservoir, or love bank
Making sure a child has his “love bank” filled to follow all the activities during the day is the most essential point to keep your team together.
Sometimes taking 5-15 minutes to just look your child in the eyes, might seem a long moment when in the middle of cooking time, but will save a lot of time after.
Children need this quality time with a parent every day, in the morning or during the evening. Let the child be the “one and only decider” of the moment: she decides what you do together. Very young children might just need you to watch them play.
You could consider waking up your child 10 minutes earlier to have time to read him a story or play a game, or cuddling…
The love bank is surely the most important point to create your team. Don’t forget to consider your own love bank!
More about Lena and her coaching: www.familydesign.ch